Tag: dairy farm childhood

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Thanks for supporting Practical Homesteading!

---

Ever feel like love keeps reaching for you, but some old instinct makes you duck away?

That’s been my story for most of my life, a quiet belief that something was fundamentally wrong with me—something that disqualified me from being truly, deeply loved. When people went out of their way with kindness, whether it was a thoughtful gesture or words meant to affirm me, I found myself almost unable to bear it. I’d deflect with a joke, change the subject, or pull back to what felt like a safer distance, convincing myself I didn’t really need anyone after all. And yet, from that very distance, I’d ache and complain that no one truly cared.

Where the Pattern Began
Looking back, I can trace much of this to childhood on our Wisconsin dairy farm. Farming carried relentless stress—long days in the fields, milking cows, haying season pressures that stretched my parents thin. The farm always came first, and while they poured everything into keeping it alive, we six girls learned to need less, do more, and stay out of the way. We never needed words to feel the pressure, but children read rooms like seismographs, absorbing every sigh, every moment of bone-deep tiredness. I internalized that needing anything made me a burden. So I shrank myself: good student, low-maintenance helper, hyper-independent. Better to be useful than to be needy.

That pattern wove into adulthood. My love language became acts of service—cooking, cleaning, organizing, stepping in quietly. It became both how I loved and my shield. Always doing meant never done for, staying safely in control as the helper, never the helped.

When My Children Started to Change Everything
Motherhood began unraveling this through hundreds of small moments. When my babies nestled against me, their complete trust felt like a start. But deeper change came as they grew, each finding ways to love me back through acts of service—their tiny mirror of what I’d modeled for them.

My two-year-old adores doing the dishes. She drags a chair to the sink, climbs up purposefully, rag in hand, and tackles plastic bowls and spoons. Counters grow wetter, floor becomes a puddle, but her earnest eyes shine with pride. The old me wants to take over. Instead, I hand her another bowl and say softly, “You’re such a good helper. Thank you.”

My six-year-old is mastering the art of folding laundry. When our daughter arrived, survival mode hit hard. For a while it was simply faster to do everything ourselves. Now that we’re coming out of that season, we’re intentionally pulling him into family contributions, even though it takes more effort and patience from us. He folds t-shirts into neat squares, pairs up socks as best he can. Sometimes I open my drawer to discover one of dad’s underwear tucked in with my things. I gently correct him as I place it in dad’s drawer. Now he proudly asks first, “Mom, is this yours or Dad’s?” Him learning to be involved feels worth it for his well-being in the long run.

Then there are the rocks. He loves bringing me stones that he finds: smooth pebbles, bits of quartz, sometimes just muddy treasures he knows I’ll appreciate. As an environmental professional with a geology background, his rocks land right in the center of my heart. He’ll run up, eyes shining, holding out his find: “Mom, I found this special rock just for you!” I take time to study each one with him, turning it over in my hands before placing it in this clear container where his rock collection resides.

The Moment Love Finally Landed
These imperfect acts were their love language, mirroring mine. Rejecting them would mean rejecting their hearts. So I’m practicing receiving: drying toddler plates, keeping laundry stacks as-is, treasuring every rock.

One overwhelmed day, I found my two-year-old at the sink, surrounded by suds and her pile of “clean” bowls. Water dripped from her elbows, face earnest, clearly seeing my exhaustion. No words needed—her effort said, “Mommy’s tired. I’m helping.”

That cracked me open. All my life avoiding burdenhood, here was my toddler seeing me and choosing to lighten my load anyway.

The Homesteading Lesson Love Teaches
Love arrived not as overwhelming force, but through soggy dishes, earnest laundry folds, rocks gathered for Mommy—humble acts from small hands noticing my need. My lived-in home holds these lessons.

My children teach me love shows in ordinary service. When I receive without fixing, I rewrite “burden” as “belonging.” They prove I’m not too much—I’m exactly right for their help, their effort, their love. And teaching my son to contribute builds his confidence for life ahead.

---

👉 **What’s YOUR love language struggle?** Drop it below! 
❤️ Like if toddler “help” melts you too 
📲 Share with your fellow working mom 
**Subscribe for weekly real homesteading + mom life**

• Facebook
• Pinterest
• Reddit
• X
• ShareCopied to clipboard