Practical Homesteading

Tag: self-compassion

  • Why I’d Ban “Should” From Everyday Life (Should Statements)

    Why I’d Ban “Should” From Everyday Life (Should Statements)

    Daily writing prompt
    If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?
    View all responses

    If I could permanently ban a word from general usage, I’d choose “should.” Not for every use, because grammar would fall apart. However, the way we weaponize it in self-talk and conversations: as judgment, measuring stick, and source of quiet shame.

    The Heavy Weight of “Should” Statements

    “Should” rarely arrives alone. It brings judgment riding shotgun:

    • “I should be farther along by now.”
    • “You should really be feeding your kids __.”
    • “We should have known better.”

    In these moments, “should” statements aren’t neutral verbs; they’re verdicts. They imply one right way to live, parent, work, or heal—and we’ve missed it. Overcoming should thinking means recognizing they leave no room for context, growth, or simple humanness.

    How “Should” Poisons Self-Talk

    Most of us don’t need help being hard on ourselves. Yet should statements psychology slips into our inner dialogue, turning observations into accusations:

    “I’m tired and scrolling” becomes “I should be more productive.”
    “We had frozen pizza” becomes “I should be the perfect homesteading mom.”

    Instead of asking what we need, should thinking demands performance. It narrows life to two outcomes: success or failure. Replacing should statements reveals something tender underneath: “I wish” or “I feel insecure about…”

    3 Better Phrases to Replace “Should”

    Banning “should” from casual speech would soften our conversations. Try these replacements:

    Instead of: “I should be farther along”
    Try: “I wish I were farther along” or “I expected different progress”

    Instead of: “You should do it this way”
    Try: “I’ve found this helpful” or “Have you considered…”

    Instead of: “We should have known better”
    Try: “We didn’t know then what we know now”

    These alternatives to should statements open curiosity instead of guilt.

    Why Banning “Should” Frees Us

    Should statements carry cultural expectations—from family, social media, perfectionism. They turn life into a constant trial where we’re always on trial. Overcoming should thinking creates space to say:

    • “Here’s where I am.”
    • “Here’s what I wish for.”
    • “Here’s what I’m trying next.”

    Without that heavy word whispering, we could treat ourselves—and each other—with kindness we actually need. Should-free living trades judgment for honest desire, fear, and hope.

    Feature Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

    What’s your most toxic “should” statement? Share below—let’s replace it together!

    Caught in should thinking? LIKE if you’re ready to ban “should” + SHARE with someone who needs self-compassion today!

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    Read Next: Advice I’d Give My Teenage Self After Burn Trauma (You’re Loved)

  • Advice I’d Give My Teenage Self After Burn Trauma (You’re Loved)

    Advice I’d Give My Teenage Self After Burn Trauma (You’re Loved)

    Daily writing prompt
    What advice would you give to your teenage self?
    View all responses

    Content note: Brief mention of burn injuries and trauma recovery

    That is an excellent question. I’ve made many, many mistakes throughout my adulthood, and some of the most painful ones trace back to my teenage years.

    For those who are not aware, I sustained serious burn injuries on my arms and chest at age 17 that led to an 18-day hospital stay and a long recovery. I have not yet told this story online, but I plan to at some point, if only to reach those who may feel alone in their pain.

    At my lowest, I thought that I was unlovable. The accident happened due to my own shortsightedness, and I couldn’t stop blaming myself. If I wear a high-neck shirt and long sleeves, you would never know what happened to me. But the scars—both physical and emotional—run deep.

    Advice to My Teenage Self: You Are Loved

    If I could go back and talk to my teenage self, I would start by telling her the following:

    That you are loved—no matter what.

    Love isn’t something you have to earn by being perfect, pretty, or put-together. Even on days you feel broken, ashamed, or “too much,” you’re still worthy of kindness and care. The people who truly love you aren’t keeping a tally of your mistakes.

    There will be mornings when you wake up thinking about coffee first—not the accident. Laughter will come back without guilt chasing it.

    Overcoming Trauma: Pain Won’t Define You

    Your pain will not be the end of your story.

    Right now, all you can see is this moment: the hospital room, the bandages, the mirrors you avoid. You’ll discover seasons where your life isn’t defined by what happened to you at 17. Overcoming trauma doesn’t erase the scars, but it makes space for new chapters.

    Building Resilience Through Lasting Friendships

    You’ll find lasting friendships even after pain—perhaps because of the pain you endured.

    Those friendships will show you you’re not alone. Some of your dearest friends will be the ones who see your scars and don’t flinch. They won’t treat you like you’re fragile or broken. They also won’t pretend nothing happened. They’ll simply sit with you in it—and that will teach you how to do the same for others.

    Turning Pain Into Empathy and Purpose

    One day you’ll turn all this tenderness into quiet strength.

    You won’t just feel deeply—you’ll learn what to do with those feelings. You’ll walk into a room and sense who else is hurting. You’ll notice the person shrinking into the corner, or laughing too loud to hide their pain. Because you know what it feels like to want to disappear, you’ll make sure others feel seen. You’ll hone your empathy into a skill that helps people feel loved and less alone.

    Finding Meaning After Suffering

    Meaning can be found in suffering, even if it takes time to see it.

    The accident will never become “good.” You’ll always wish it never happened. But goodness will grow out of the mess: deeper compassion, a softer heart, a clearer sense of what matters. Healing from trauma often looks like this—the places where you feel most broken become the places where you can sit with others and say, “Me too. I’ve been there. You’re not beyond hope.”

    Final Words of Self-Compassion

    And finally, I’d tell you this:

    You are not the sum of your worst moments.
    You are not your scars.
    You are not the accident.

    You are loved, held, and still becoming.

    If you’re carrying scars—seen or unseen—what would you tell your teenage self? Share one line in the comments. Someone else may need to hear it today.

    If this touched something in you, please hit LIKE and share with one person who needs to hear they’re loved—no matter what.

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    Read Next: Why I Read Survivor Stories about Strength and Hope